Losing Roxanne

 

 

 

 

 

 

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Roxanne Frederick

The sun rose for our family on March 27, 1989: My baby sister was born on this date. The sun set on October 21, 2006: My baby sister died on this date. My baby sister’s name was Roxanne Frederick, and she was only seventeen years old when she passed. When Roxanne died suddenly, it was incomprehensible to me. The pain that I felt was inconsolable. I found out the hard way that there is no easy way to overcome the sadness of a loss.

Richard Frederick (Daddy)

Three years ago, my father, Richard Frederick, and my step-mother, Theresa Frederick, were devastated because their child died in a tragic car accident. I can safely conjecture that the death of a child is by far the most tragic loss that one can experience. Their grief was acute; their emotions were raw.  They were trying just to make it through the day on their feet. We were all trying to just make it through the pain. We couldn’t believe that Roxanne was gone.

 

Roxanne Frederick was an angel here on earth. Roxanne had a very loving personality, and she touched everyone who was blessed enough to walk on her path. It is difficult to comprehend, but I believe that there is a reason why God takes the kindhearted so early. I have to believe that Roxanne completed her mission for God; and quite frankly, she was just ready to escape the hell that is here on earth. I believe that Heaven couldn’t wait any longer. God wanted Roxanne to be by His side.

Theresa (left), April (center), Roxanne (right)

God gave Roxanne a lot of love. I mean a lot of it! Roxanne, in turn, gave everyone in her life an altruistic love: Altruistic love is spiritual, selfless, and unconditional. Roxanne shared her love with her family, friends, and her church community. Our beloved sister, April Morton, wrote in the obituary: “She always had a beautiful smile on her face and the inner beauty to match; and whether you were up for it or not she greeted everyone with a big kiss and hug!”

Regrets! I think everyone feels that they have unfinished business with Roxanne. My regret is that I didn’t tell Roxanne how much I loved her while she was alive. However, it is never too late to tell your deceased loved one that you love her. I sent my love up to Heaven, and I said a tearful good-bye at her congested funeral.

Foxy Roxy

Roxanne accomplished a lot in her seventeen years here on earth. She was always looking for a creative outlet in which to invest herself. She enjoyed dancing, singing, playing the piano, and acting. She was blessed to have a cameo role in the movie “Crossover,” which was filmed in Detroit, Michigan. Roxanne had many aspirations. I believe that she would’ve made it to Hollywood had she lived long enough. However, Hollywood wasn’t in God’s plan. I’m still proud of my baby sister, for she realized her dream in her movie debut.

The Sony Pictures movie, “Crossover,” was released on September 1, 2006. Eva Pigford, Wayne Brady, Anthony Mackie, Alicia Jai Fears, Lil JJ and Wesley Jonathan starred in the movie. This movie is about underground street basketball, the players, and the cheerleaders. Roxanne was happy to meet the many stars of “Crossover.” Roxanne was a star in her own right.

 

 

 

 

 

My fondest memory of Roxanne took place at a family reunion. Roxanne was a great talent. She loved singing karaoke with Daddy. Daddy set up a karaoke machine at the family reunion. No one wanted to be the first to sing so Daddy persuaded his five girls to break the ice with the first song.  Daddy chose the song; he selected “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge. The music started. The best singers in the family were Doreen, April, and Roxanne. You would think that the best singers would just take over and smash that song. However, Doreen, April, Roxanne, and Mona were inaudible. I realized that my squeaky lone voice was howling at the moon. Suddenly, I panicked. I looked at each of my sisters for comfort. Roxanne was the only one who looked back at me with those pretty hazel eyes. I knew in that moment that she was coming to my rescue. Roxanne raised her soothing voice. Roxanne saved that song, and Daddy saved face at the family reunion.

The most unforgettable memory took place at April’s wedding. My sister, April, was by far the most beautiful bride that I had ever seen. Roxanne was, without a doubt, the most beautiful bridesmaid. Their makeup was flawless; their hair was perfect; and their nails were freshly manicured. Their dresses made them both look like fairy-tale princesses. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was so proud of all of the Frederick girls, for their beauty on the outside truly matched their beauty on the inside. Watching Roxanne give a toast at the wedding reception brought me to tears. The level of maturation that Roxanne had achieved was simply a gift from God. All of the performances by Roxanne were magical, and her eloquent toast was no different. I must confess that I envied her talent, poise, and beauty.

I miss Roxanne. However, Roxanne will always be inextricably linked to the living. She lives on inside of each one of us. I got all my sisters with me!

 

Rachel(left), Mona(center), Doreen(center), Roxanne(right), April(seated)

 

 

 

 

Peace and Love,

Rachel Araya

R.I.P. Derrion Albert

 

 

 

 

 

On September 24, 2009, Derrion Albert, a sixteen year old honor roll student from Chicago, was beaten to death by his peers. He was leaving Christian Fenger Academy High School when he became entangled in a fight near the Agape Community Center. A group of teenagers viciously struck him several times with a splintered board.  After attacking him with the board, they began punching and kicking the life out of him.

According to Tandra Simonton, a spokeswoman for the Cook County Prosecutor’s Office, the violence stemmed from an earlier shooting involving two groups of students from different neighborhoods. Prosecutors charged four teenagers with first degree murder: Silvonus Shannon, 19, Eugene Riley, 18, Eric Carson, 16, and Eugene Bailey, 18.

This senseless murder was captured on a bystander’s cell phone video recorder. The image caught on video has brought national attention to black youth violence. I hope the graphic video can be used as a catalyst for social change in our urban streets.

The Reverend Jesse Jackson and Minister Louis Farrakhan were among the mourners at Derrion Albert’s funeral.  During the funeral, the Reverend Jesse Jackson honed in on youth violence in general. He compared the black youth of today to the Little Rock Nine of 1957. Reverend Jackson stated that the black teenagers of 1957 needed protection from violent white segregationists; and the black teenagers of today need protection from one another. Without a doubt, the common denominator is the devaluation of black life.

People are calling for a stronger police presence in certain black neighborhoods. However, the system of racism which black people have been subject to over the years operates and manifests itself in the administration of justice. I don’t know if a stronger police presence in black neighborhoods is the answer to black youth violence. It seems to me that the presence of more police just might exacerbate the problem. The police have a history of racism, and they might just arrest our black youth for walking while black. I don’t know. I just know that black youth have a fear of racist cops, and racist cops have a fear of black people. The coupling of the two groups could be an accident waiting to happen.

What’s really needed is a psychological intervention. Black youth need to learn the value of life, especially black life.  The psychic wounds from slavery need to be healed. It is truly disheartening that our black youth are enslaved to the notion that they are worthless.

President Obama sent Attorney General Eric Holder and Education Secretary Arne Duncan to address the ongoing violence in Chicago. “We simply cannot stand for an epidemic of violence that robs our youth of their childhood and perpetuates a cycle in which today’s victims become tomorrow’s criminals, said Attorney General Eric Holder.

The President and his cabinet should address all of the social ills that are caused by racism in America. We need to change the system. In changing the system, the responsibility of the community to black youth is to provide protection from racism and oppression, which, in turn, will give our black youth a sense of pride.

In another mind-boggling incident, Annette Holt’s teenage daughter was killed by misguided teenagers in the Chicago area. Annette Holt expressed her opinion on Derrion Albert’s death: “Someone said that Derrion was in the wrong place at the wrong time. No, he wasn’t. He was in the right place: He was coming home from school.” I agree with Annette Holt. In fact, not only was he in the right place, but it was the right time. God doesn’t take anyone before their time. Derrion Albert’s death is serving as a call for action. It’s time for all of us to take action so we can stop this mindless self-destruction.

R.I.P. Derrion Albert.

Peace and Love,

Rachel Araya

An Interview With A Schizophrenic

 

 

 

 

 

I recently had an opportunity to talk to a very bright young woman who just happens to have schizophrenia. I know the Ascension Blog readers love stories that uplift. This young lady, who wants to be called Schizo, is bound to give readers hope for their own futures. Please read the interview and be sure to comment at the end.

Rachel: Why do you want to be called Schizo? It sounds like that name may be offensive to some people.

Schizo: Because I think it’s funny. I try to have a sense of humor about the label “paranoid schizophrenic.” To me, that is the perfect fake name.

Rachel: Why don’t you want to use your real name?

Schizo: Because I’m not ready to reveal who I am yet. I’m a professional sista. I need to be taken seriously in the professional world.

Rachel: That makes sense. Okay. Let’s get down to business. What is schizophrenia?

Schizo: Schizophrenia is a mental illness, but it is sometimes incorrectly referred to as a “brain disease.” Officially, it is a mental disorder. It is not a medical disease. There is no known reliable test or other physical sign that can determine the existence of schizophrenia in any given person. It is diagnosed solely upon the self-report of the individual and observations by others.

Rachel: What are the symptoms of schizophrenia?

Schizo: Hallucinations, delusions, disorganized speech and withdrawn behavior. I thought that everyone was out to get me. I started hearing voices. I started to think that I wasn’t me anymore. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone. I felt nervous all the time. I couldn’t sit still. My words were all jumbled up when I talked. I even stopped leaving the house.

Rachel: What are three common myths about schizophrenia?

Schizo: 1) A person with schizophrenia has a split personality. 2) Poor parenting is to blame. 3) A person with schizophrenia is violent.

Rachel: What causes schizophrenia?

Schizo: The cause of schizophrenia is unknown.

Rachel: How did you know that you had schizophrenia?

Schizo: The psychiatric doctors told me that I had schizophrenia after I harmed myself.

Rachel: How did you harm yourself?

Schizo: I set myself on fire.

Rachel: Eeeew! Why did you set yourself on fire?

Schizo: I thought that God spoke to me and told me that I was Jesus. I thought that God told me that I needed to sacrifice myself by setting myself on fire. I sat on the burner of the stove until my bottom caught on fire.

Rachel: How did it feel to be on fire?

Schizo: It has to be the worst pain that I have ever felt in my life. In fact, the pain woke me up from my trance or whatever alternate state of mind I was in. I put out the fire by taking off my clothes and rolling on the floor. I was taught early on in school: Stop, drop, and roll. LOL!

Rachel: Why are you laughing?

Schizo: I’m laughing because my worst fear was and is to die by fire. It’s ironic to me that my mind played that dirty trick on me.

Rachel: So you now know that God wasn’t really talking to you?

Schizo: Right. I know better now. LOL! God will never tell you to harm or kill yourself. I was baptized in water when I was a little girl. I guess I was trying to baptize myself again in my fire. I wasn’t in my right mind. I thought that I was Jesus. Okay! LOL!

Rachel: When did you start feeling better?

Schizo: It took approximately three years for me to heal my mind. I had to learn how to get out of my own way. Some experts say that it takes between 2 to 5 years to heal because it is only a temporary illness. Other experts say that schizophrenia is analogous to diabetes: Diabetes and schizophrenia stay with you forever. However, diabetes and schizophrenia are different in that diabetes is a real medical disease and schizophrenia is a mental illness. To me, they are not the same.

Rachel: Are you taking any medications for your mental disorder?

Schizo: Yes. The doctors tell me that I am on the best medicine out there for schizophrenia–Abilify. It’s the wonder drug with the least side effects that adjusts the chemical imbalance in the brain.

Rachel: Everyone has to face their own personal challenges. Do you think that schizophrenia is your ultimate life personal challenge? 

Schizo: Yes. Even though I believe in God, my faith was weak. God has strengthened my faith through schizophrenia. I shunned all religion and spirituality for the first two years of my illness. I never became an atheist but I was too terrified to go to church–let alone open a Bible. There was a lot of religious ideation going on before my “crash.”  The doctors told me that my mind crashed just like a computer. I needed a break from–not from God– but from all religious ideations. Yes, I think that through schizophrenia I’m learning my life’s pivotal lessons.

Rachel: What has been your life’s pivotal lessons?

Schizo: I needed to learn patience, tolerance, and temperance.  1) I was too impatient. I wanted everything now. Because of my schizophrenia, my life has been on hold for three years. I couldn’t even work. Therefore, I learned how to be patient. 2) I had a low tolerance level for a lot of people and their idiosyncrasies. Well, I became a person with a lot of idiosyncrasies after my episode. Therefore, I learned tolerance. 3)  I had a quick temper. I’m real calm now. Therefore, I learned temperance. God took all of that away and gave me patience, tolerance, and temperance through schizophrenia. I’m a better person today because of schizophrenia.

Rachel: If the cause of schizophrenia is unknown, do you ever wonder why you got schizophrenia?

Schizo: Well, let me say this: Schizophrenia is thought to be caused by changes in brain chemistry. Brain cells send messages through chemicals called neurotransmitters. When neurotransmitters are out of balance the brain can have problems sending messages. I wasn’t getting the right messages. I believe that I got schizophrenia because there was a lot of trauma in my life which caused the chemical imbalance.

Rachel: What kind of trauma have you experienced?

Schizo: There was a lot of abuse in my early years, in my teens, and in my twenties, which contributed to me going crazy.

Rachel: What do you think about the movie, A Beautiful Mind? I know you’ve seen it.

Schizo: Yes. A Beautiful Mind was a beautiful movie about the Nobel Prize winning mathematician John Nash who had schizophrenia. In the movie, John recovers from all of his delusions and hallucinations, which is why I like the movie. What most people don’t realize is that many people can improve or recover from schizophrenia.  In other words, they can function socially and work and live in the larger community. Many people can be symptom free without medication.

Rachel: Are you planning to go off your medication?

Schizo: Yes. I can’t have a baby on the medication because it causes birth defects, and I really want a baby.

Rachel: Are you afraid that once you have babies you may actually get sick again and harm yourself or possibly your children?

Schizo: No. I’ll be taking the necessary precautions to monitor my behavior along with my doctors during this time.

Rachel: A lot of geniuses have been labeled crazy. Are you a genius? Are you as smart as John Nash?

Schizo: I’m smart. But I’m not as smart as John Nash. I have a doctorate degree though.

Rachel: Would you say that you have a beautiful mind?

Schizo: Absolutely. However, the mind is fragile! We all have scary and dangerous places in our minds. I have to actively reject the delusional lines of thinking and actively tell myself: I don’t want to be there so I ain’t gonna go there!

Rachel: That answer implies that people can control their mental illnesses.

Schizo: In a way, I am saying that. I’m saying that once you have been diagnosed with a mental illness you should use all the available resources to educate yourself about the mental illness and become your own advocate. All you need is hope to start your recovery. Hope is as essential to life as the air we breathe. Without hope, there are no dreams. Without dreams, there can be no happy prospects that our life will change. The mentally ill need to learn how to grasp a hold of hope in order to start the recovery process.

Rachel: What would you like the Ascension Blog readers to know about your recovery?

Schizo: It was a long, arduous journey, but I made it through the fire! I didn’t die in the fire! God saved me. He saved me for a reason. And the hand of faith is now upon me. (Schizo starts singing) I’m saved. Sanctified. Holy Ghost filled. Fire baptized. I got Jesus on my mind. And I’m running for my life. LOL!

Rachel: Wow!

Schizo: Call me crazy! LOL! Crazy like a fox!

Rachel: I know that you are working on a book. Did you write about your “crash” in the book?

Schizo: Oh, I go into all the intricate details of the crash and what I think caused the crash in my book. I’m not telling the readers about it. I’m actually putting the readers in the scenes of my life that led up to my crash, and I go into great detail when I describe the crash. The readers will clearly see when the light dawns how the darkness of my oppression affected me. It makes for interesting reading. Trust me. The readers won’t be disappointed.

Rachel: What song best describes your journey?

Schizo: Whitney Houston has a song out right now called “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength.”

Rachel: I think we should conclude this interview and end this blog with that song. Good luck in all your endeavors Schizo. You definitely have a beautiful mind.

 

Peace and Love,

Rachel Araya

I Ain’t Saying I’m A Gold Digger!

 

 

 

 

 

A gold digger is a woman who explicitly seeks material and economic rewards above all else, and is willing to trade sex for it. Sex is her commodity because it is the only valuable thing she has in society.

I’m not a gold digger. However, the reality is that women hope to find someone who can be a “breadwinner” so that they can stay home to raise children, focus on a dream career, or simply find material comfort. But just because a woman seeks a generous partner doesn’t mean that she can’t fall in love with him.

There is absolutely no proof that black women are gold diggers. This term only serves to pull down the black community. The term also serves to destroy black love at its very foundation. Black men are so busy running away from the gold digger that they have forgotten that they are running away from their own families.

The term “gold digger” has been applied exclusively to women, which is wrong. As more women become financially successful, men “gold diggers” are becoming more common.  A male gold digger is not a real man.

A real man wants to provide for his woman and his family. A real man will pay for all of  the necessities. A real man would never make you ask for anything. A real man will accept his woman being financially independent and still provide for her. My father is a real man. My father didn’t shirk his responsibilities; he took care of his five girls, ex-wife and current wife.

I’ll admit that there is a disparity between black male and black female income. The overall wealth of Black America is on the rise. Comparatively speaking, however, the average income of black men is falling while the income of black women is rising. Black men are starting to expect their women to pay for everything. Well, this is just wrong. If a man is making less money than his woman, he should bring his self up to par even if that means going back to school.

 

Obtaining an education is a powerful thing. Men need to feel powerful. There’s nothing more powerful than providing for the ones you love.

Again, I ain’t saying I’m a gold digger but…

Peace & Love,

Rachel Araya

Worth The Wait

 

 

 

 

 

Have you ever tried to figure out why you’re not getting the respect that you deserve in your relationship? You probably didn’t demonstrate how much you love yourself to your partner before you had sex.

Women rush into sex because they think that sharing an intimate moment will make men fall in love with them. Women feel used and cheapened when men make it clear that they aren’t interested in a committed relationship.

Since the beginning of Christianity, we have been taught that we should marry before sharing a sexual experience. While some people think that this belief system is archaic, other people are starting to realize that sex before marriage equals a lot of unnecessary pain and sufferring.

Don’t get me wrong: Sex is an important part of our lives. However, we do not need to let it rule our lives. The ultimate gift of intimacy is sex. It should be treated as a “priceless treasure.”

Many couples use sex as a temporary salve for their deep wounds. More people are realizing that sex isn’t the answer to life’s problems. In fact, it often creates more problems than it solves.

The benefits of living without sex until marriage are plentiful. If you are dating someone who has the willpower and commitment to stay sexually abstinent, you will find that you can enjoy companionship, feelings of self-worth, empowerment, individuality, and spiritual soundness without the pressures and awkwardness of negotiating sex.

You can avoid the heartbreak, regret, anger and emotional turmoil that a failed relationship brings if you hold onto your precious gift until marriage. Celibacy is becoming more common among those with previous sexual experience.

Debbie Winans has a very powerful and inspirational testimony that needs to be heard. Please listen to the lyrics of this beautiful song.

If celibacy isn’t an option for you, maybe you just need to approach sex differently. Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man, imparts wisdom on relationships and sex. Here’s an excerpt from the chapter, “Ninety Day Rule:”

Think about it: The first guy you slept with quicker than ninety days–where is he? I’m willing to bet that you’re probably not with him. True, there are some people out there somewhere who had sex early in the relationship and are still together to this very day, but that’s rare. More likely than not, a guy who gets benefits early in the relationship, without having to put in work or prove himself, leaves and moves on to a committed relationship with a woman who puts him through some type of probation period to find out more about him. I’m sure that woman laid out  the rules–requirements–early on, and let her intended know that he could either rise up to those requirements, or just move on.

Don’t play games with each other. Holding onto your precious gift until you know each other better will wind up being the best thing that you can do for your relationship. As for me, well, a lady never tells. I urge everyone to pick up a copy of Steve Harvey’s book.

Peace and Love,

Rachel Araya 

 

Loving

 

 

 

 

 

Over 4o years ago, it was illegal to marry a person of a different race in different states. In Loving v. Virginia, the plaintiffs Mildred Loving (a black woman) and Richard Loving (a white man) married in the District of Columbia in order to evade Virginia’s anti-miscegenation statute, “The Racial Integrity Act of 1924.” The state statute banned marriages between any white person and any non-white person. This Act was challenged by the Lovings, and it was declared unconstitutional: It violated the 14th Amendment. The unconstitutionality of the Act ended all race-based legal restrictions on marriage in the United States.

While the constitutionality of mixed race marriages has resolution, the issues of race, interracial relationships, and even intercultural relationships are still affecting many people.

In popular culture, the term “jungle fever” refers to an interracial relationship between a white person and a black person. Spike Lee’s movie, Jungle Fever, centers on the interracial romance between Flipper (Snipes) and an Italian-American  woman, Angie Tucci (Sciorra). The lovers come under intense pressure from their friends and family as a result of their interracial affair. This movie is a depiction of sexual morays, where both whites and blacks have their share of racism and prejudices. Flipper and Angie are scrutinized for their “jungle fever” affair and quickly become outcasts in this film. In real life, people are often scrutinized for loving someone from a different culture.

Racism and prejudices run rampant across the world. Even in the new millennium, much of our population views interracial  and intercultural relationships negatively. Our past conceptions, ideals, and laws have created strong attitudinal views on interracial and intercultural relationships.

On the 40th anniversary of the Loving decision, Mildred Loving expressed her opinion about marriage:

“Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don’t think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the ‘wrong kind of person’ for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others especially if it denies people’s civil rights. I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard’s and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay and straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That’s what Loving, and loving, are all about.”

Through building and sustaining relationships with different races and cultures, we can acquire knowledge about the world, break stereotypes, and acquire new communication skills.

Dating someone from a different race and culture is very exciting but it can also be very frustrating. Trying to co-exist with anyone in a relationship is hard but when you add cultural differences to the mix, then you’re going on a roller-coaster ride.

Racial stereotyping and bigotry on all sides still exists and things will be said in the natural course of the relationship. However, I still feel that with each interracial and intercultural romance that blossoms, a new understanding and appreciation for the world blossoms as well. Preconceived notions, stereotypes and bigotry can be eradicated.

I leave you with a quote from the Holy Bible: New International Version:

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”  GAL 3:28.

Mad About It

 

 

 

 

 

Domestic violence has a new face. Due to the media circus surrounding this case, we all know that Christopher Brown is responsible for beating up Rihanna’s beautiful face. He even apologized and pleaded guilty to one count of felony assault. Domestic violence is very prevalent throughout society.  As you can see from the picture, it is worth revisiting the issue.

After looking at Rihanna’s battered face, many believed that Chris Brown would be spending time in jail. Instead, Chris Brown was sentenced to five years probation. In addition, he must spend more than 1,400 hours in “labor-oriented service.” To say the least, many young people who look up to Chris Brown are getting the wrong message about the seriousness of this crime. 

There has been a lot of speculation about whether or not Rihanna and Chris Brown will stay together as a couple. The court has ordered him to stay away from Rihanna for the next five years. In terms of her mental health, dire consequences will follow if she chooses to stay in a relationship with him.

With that said, I want to delve deeper into the issue of domestic violence and the impact on women–specifically the  Battered Woman’s Syndrome, which is most commonly known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  According to Dr. Lenore Walker, the nation’s best known expert on battered women, there are four general characteristics of the syndrome:

“1. The woman believes that the violence was her fault; 2. The woman has an inability to place the responsibility for the violence elsewhere; 3. The woman fears for her life and/or her children’s lives; 4. The woman has an irrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient.”

Battered Woman’s Syndrome has been used in criminal cases since the late 1970’s.

On March 9, 1977, Francine Hughes’ mind snapped after thirteen years of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. She poured gasoline around her abusive husband’s bed and started a fire while he slept; thus, killing her husband and burning her house to the ground. After the trial in Lansing, Michigan, Hughes was found “not guilty” by reason of insanity. The Burning Bed was written by Faith McNulty. Farrah Fawcett starred in the television movie that premiered on NBC on October 8, 1984.

 

Since that case was decided, numerous studies, articles, court cases and legislation concerning domestic violence and battered woman’s syndrome have been introduced to our system of jurisprudence.

Another recognizable case is the State of Virginia vs. Lorena Bobbitt. Lorena Bobbitt’s mind snapped after years of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse as well. She cut off her abuser’s penis with a carving knife. The jury found Lorena Bobbitt “not guilty” due to a bout of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (Battered Woman’s Syndrome). Again, temporary insanity is a valid defense when dealing with women who strike out at their abusers.

By the way, Francine Hughes and Lorena Bobbitt are the exception and not the rule. In most cases, women who kill or harm their abusers are not acquitted. The public shouldn’t be under the mistaken notion that women are “getting off.”  Women are going to prison.

To all of my sisters, don’t let anyone break your spirit or break your mind. To all of the abusive men, seek help. Love doesn’t hurt. I learned that lesson the hard way. And yes, I was mad about it. In fact, my anger caused me to go through counseling, to remove myself from my abusive situation, and to complete specialized training at The Domestic Violence Project, Inc./Safe House.

I had some stuff going on in my life. And if you woke up this morning with some stuff going on in your life, let this blogpost serve as a warning.

I challenge my sisters to channel their anger, empower themselves, and leave their abusers. Don’t let fear cripple you. Take back your power! “What’s love got to do with it?” It’s hard to break the cycle of abuse but with God all things are possible.

To all of the Ascension Blog readers, please remember this verse from the Bible:

“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.” 2 Corinthians 5:10.

Peace and Love,

Rachel Araya

The Eric Frimpong Story

 

 

 

 

 

A friend of mine sent an ESPN story to me on the social networking tool—facebook—about the People v. Eric Frimpong case. This story is about a young man who left his home in Ghana in 2005 to pursue the American dream. I beseech you to read this story with an open mind so that you can keep your heart open as well. Please remember that a presumption of innonence is at the foundation of every case in our criminal justice system. 

 

The year is 2007. Eric Frimpong is accused of rape. Prior to the rape accusation, Eric Frimpong played soccer at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and he was headed to a professional career in the North American Soccer League. Here is an excerpt from the story:

 ”I don’t care that he’s a soccer star…and I’m a nobody. Eric Frimpong ruined my life…”

“There’s a rumble in the gallery. If his supporters could chime in now, they’d say that the kid in the prison garb has never spoken an unkind word or acted aggressively toward anyone. They would remind the court of the points made at trial: that his accuser was a woman with little memory of what happened that night because of a near-toxic blood alcohol level; that Frimpong’s DNA wasn’t found on the victim; that semen found on her underwear belonged to a jealous boyfriend, a white student who was never a suspect. They would argue that overzealous law enforcement was determined to nail a high-profile athlete, facts be damned…”

Eric Frimpong is now a convicted rapist. Rape is an ugly crime. The perpetrators are ugly people who often seem like beautiful people to the outside world. It is hard to distinguish the ugly from the beautiful in a rape case.

In our criminal justice system, rape is centered upon penetration, but the rape has to be proven beyond reasonable doubt. It is true that Eric Frimpong was on the beach that fateful night with Jane Doe; it is also true that he turned down Jane Doe’s advances. Eric Frimpong is not abdicating responsibility. He admitted that he let Jane Doe put her hand down his pants, which is how her DNA was found on him.  

I believe that the accuser, Jane Doe, was raped. The bruises on her body and the lacerations around her genitals tell the story of rape. Nonetheless, doubt is looming large over her story. Sadly, there is a very low conviction rate for rape unless the perpetrator is black. Eric Frimpong is just another “black mythical rapist” who is caught up in an unfortunate entanglement with a very drunk woman. She needs someone to pay for the crime committed against her. I understand her peculiar predicament. However, the DNA test proved that Eric Frimpong did not rape Jane Doe.

Don’t misconstrue my position: I know that there are black men out there who commit rape against white women and try to finagle their way out of accepting responsibility by playing the race card. However, many black men have been depicted as rapists in order to conjure up a justification for terrorizing and destroying black lives. False accusations of rape against white women have proven to provide an effective system of social control over black people. It must be hard when people of power brand you as something that you’re not in a concerted effort to set your entire world on fire. It is easy to see that the false accusation of rape serves as a weapon of destruction.

Without a doubt, the Eric Frimpong story is reminiscent of the Rosewood story. For those of you who didn’t see the movie, Rosewood was a small black rural town in Florida. Florida had an extremely high number of lynchings prior to the 1923 calamity—the Rosewood massacre. In 1923, a white woman was beaten and raped by someone. The white men around her accused a black drifter and lynched a Rosewood resident. When the black residents defended themselves, several hundred white people began hunting down and killing black people; they also burned down almost every structure in Rosewood.

Eric Frimpong has experienced a modern day lynching, and his world was set ablaze by a white woman’s accusation of rape. Eric Frimpong was found guilty by an all white jury and sentenced to six years in a California state prison. However, there was reasonable doubt.

Eric Frimpong said it best, “It’s a terrible thing that happened to me. Being in here (prison), I keep asking myself why God put me in that situation. And then it struck me: Maybe I can reach more people, help more people, if they hear my story.”

There has been a gross miscarriage of justice. I pray that a little justice escapes from our criminal system and sets Eric Frimpong free. I also pray that Eric Frimpong and Jane Doe find it in their hearts to forgive each other so that they can truly be free in their minds, bodies, and souls.  Eric Frimpong’s supporters will say that he doesn’t need to be forgiven because he did not commit the crime. Maybe Jane Doe needs to forgive him for turning down her advances so that she can wake up and move on. The Bible reads: “And be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32. Even in rape cases, forgiveness has the power to heal and set things right.

We understand that “black” is not another word for guilty. Let’s pray that some of that understanding seeps into our court system.

I leave you with a letter from Eric Frimpong’s “other mother”–Loni Monahan.

“Dear Friends of Eric Frimpong,

 Thank you for your support of Eric Frimpong throughout a situation that has unfortunately taken over a year of his life.    I am his ‘American mother’ writing to you on his behalf to express his and my gratitude for your interest in helping him.  

570 days (1 year, 6 months, 22 days) have passed since Eric’s incarceration for a crime we all believe he did not commit.  We have been working around the clock with investigators and attorneys to prove his innocence.  We have received emails, calls and letters from supporters world wide who have read Eric’s story and have felt compelled to get involved in fighting the incredible injustice that has taken Eric’s freedom.

To those of you who have contributed to his defense fund, we greatly appreciate your support! 

To anyone else who can donate resources to help set Eric free, please send a check made out to the Eric Frimpong Freedom Fund to:

Acct# 191507711

Montecito Bank and Trust

PO Box 2460

Santa Barbara, CA 93120-2460

or you can go online to Paypal to use your credit card to send funds to the Eric Frimpong Freedom Fund at : frimpongfreedom@gmail.com

 All of the community’s support, involvement and effort are paying off! We have some great news for Eric’s case!

We are closing in on submitting his Habeas Corpus ( A writ issued to bring a person before a court or judge in order to release that person  from unlawful restraint or detention.) By the end of the summer this document will show the justice system what an injustice has occurred.  That said, we need additional financial help to get the resources in place to make sure the Habeas Corpus does not fall on deaf ears.

Your donations will go towards 4 expert witnesses who will illuminate Eric’s innocence for the court to plainly see during our next and final hearing of the case.   It is our hope these experts will be exactly what the court needs to set Eric free!

Eric has no money (he makes 30 cents an hour in prison!).  My family has exhausted our finances to support Eric.  We are reaching out to 100+ emails on this list, plus the 5000+ friends within his Facebook group who have written in support of his innocence to help Eric.  

None of your support will go to waste!  Let’s unite to get this wonderful kid out of prison!

Please email or call if you have any questions.”  

Let’s help Eric Frimpong keep the faith!

Peace and Love,

Rachel Araya

Honor Thy Father and Mother?

 

 

 

 

 

What does the fifth commandment require of all children? “Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord they God giveth thee.” Exodus 20:12.

To the child too young to know God, the earthly parent takes the place of God. The child’s first and most important lesson is learning how to honor, respect, and obey his/her earthly parents. This is important because it teaches the child how to honor, respect, and obey God.

Should all children honor their parents in all things?  The Bible reads: “Children obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.” Colossians 3:20. Happy children will honor, respect, and obey their God, their parents, and their neighbors. The Bible also reads: “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Colossians 3:21. Without a doubt, anger in the parent stirs up anger in the child.

While volunteering at Children’s Aid Society, I found that the children were being taught to honor and respect their parents and vice versa, regardless to what was going on, as part of their reunification program. I found this to be very disturbing. At that particular time, I didn’t think that these abusive parents should even get the chance at reconciliation with their own children. However, in most cases, the children wanted to reconcile with their parents. I must admit that the most disheartening thing to witness is a child being ripped away from his/her parent’s arms.

It’s important to point out that parents are not honoring God when they are abusive. Child abuse is defined as ”harm or threatened harm to a child’s health and welfare which occurs through non-accidental physical or mental injury, sexual abuse, sexual exploitations or maltreatment.”  The root of all evil is not money; rather, the root of all evil is abuse. The root of the evil lies not so much in the children as it does in the parents.

The most notorious case of parents and children dishonoring God and each other is, of course, the Menendez case. In this case, Lyle and Erik were accused of killing their parents for money. They murdered their parents on August 20, 1989. The boys’ testimony revealed that Lyle and Erik  suffered physical and sexual abuse at the hands of their father-Jose. The boys’ testimony also revealed that their mother, Kitty, was emotionally abusive, and she failed to protect her own children. Dishonoring God was a marked characteristic of the Menendez family. The Menendez brothers are expected to be in prison for the rest of their lives.

What would you do if you had parents like Lyle and Erik?  Would you honor, respect, and obey them?  Would you remain silent? Would you report them? Would you kill them? Would you use the “abuse excuse?”  Again, what do you think you would do?

The truth is that no one really knows how they are going to react until they are living in that exact abusive situation. However, shooting down your parents with a shotgun is breaking the first commandment, love and believe in God; the fifth commandment, honor thy father and mother; and the sixth commandment, thou shalt not kill.

There may be honor in doing what you must do in order to protect yourself from abuse while praying for your abuser(s). Honor God first. The rest will follow.

Peace and Love,

Rachel Araya

Happy Independence Day!

 

 

 

 

 

On July 4th, we celebrate the anniversary of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence, which announces our freedom as Americans. Today, not only should we celebrate our freedom in America, but we should celebrate our spiritual freedom as well. 

Before I start my celebration, I am taking the time to remember that I have been in bondage to the human condition for quite some time. Due to external and internal negative and oppressive situations, everyone has been in bondage. If we look at the beginning, perhaps we can discover what is keeping us in mental shackles.

In order to understand ourselves as human beings, let’s look at the Bible through a metaphysical lens. When we analyze the story of the Exodus in the Old Testament, we begin to fully understand that powerful history lesson. The children of Israel coming out of bondage is a story about spiritual freedom–a great act of liberation. The children of Israel were led out of bondage by Moses. Moses is a spiritual leader who was born in servitude but raised in the Pharoah’s court. Ironically, Moses liberated the children of Israel from the very people who raised him. One could say that Moses had to be raised in the Pharoah’s court in order to liberate the Hebrew slaves and himself. In other words, Moses couldn’t have the mentality of a slave. Moses had to have the mentality of a free man–a liberator.

Metaphysically, the children of Israel represent the thoughts and feelings within all of us. We all think negative thoughts about ourselves that keep us enslaved to the flesh. In addition, Moses represents the spiritual leader that lives inside all of us. Moses was called by God to be more than a human being: He was called to be a spiritual being. Moses was demonstrating our capabilities as humans. God blessed Moses with the power to liberate. Subsequently, we can conclude that God blessed all of us with that same miraculous power.

Don’t get me wrong: If we were not meant to experience the human condition, God wouldn’t have made us human. Again, as humans, we are in bondage to the thoughts and feelings that keep us away from spiritual enlightenment. However, we can all gain our spiritual freedom and become spiritual beings if we call forth the spiritual leader inside of us.

Time to celebrate: Here’s to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and, of course, spiritual freedom.

Happy Independence Day!

Peace and Love,

Rachel Araya